On Being a Dad

Many years ago, when I was single, I remember a married friend telling me that having children was the hardest and the best thing he'd ever done. I took him at his word, but obviously I had no way of relating. In large measure, everything I had experienced until that point in my life had been either hard or great. I had personally experienced few examples of something being both difficult and wonderful at the same time.

Years later,as I anxiously awaited the birth of our first child, our daughter, I thought back to my friend's words. I was so full of doubts about my ability to be a good, godly father, to bear up under the stress of having a family, even to simply handle and take care of a tiny, new-born baby. But "his strength is made perfect in weakness" (1 Cor. 12:9), and God gave me the grace I required.

Suddenly, not four years later, we have a daughter and a son, and another son due in September. I don't hesitate to now repeat what my friend once said to me -it has been the hardest and best thing I've ever done. In spite of the lack of sleep, the frustrations, the worry, the added pressure of providing for little ones, I am happier and more fulfilled now than ever before in my life.

Having children is a sanctifying experience. Because it requires you to attend to the needs of someone else in such a complete way, you become more selfless without trying. To the extent that fatherhood has forced me to become more of a servant, it has made me more Christ-like. But being a father has given me even deeper insight into new dimensions of my faith. Christ became a servant, humbling himself to wash me, and is, at the same time, my Lord and Master. My relationship to my children is reflective of my relationship with Christ in many ways.

For example, I am my daughter's master, but must also constantly serve her and prioritize her needs above my own. Just as God, out of his love for me, has called me to obey his law, I require my daughter to obey rules that are designed for her protection and nurture. As God is pained when I break his law and he must discipline me, I am also pained when my daughter disobeys -I never understood that it is possible to feel at once angry, heart-broken, and deeply in love with someone. And as Christ willingly laid down his life for mine, I would happily lay down mine for my daughter. Truly, being a father has helped me better understand the heart of God.

God has used my marriage to teach me about Christ and his love for the church; he has used fatherhood to teach me about his providence, his discipline, and his inestimable love for me.